


I have been lost down every road I follow out in the dark

by Hexiva



Category: Mr. Robot (TV)
Genre: Angst, Bring tissues, Canonical Character Death, Episode: s4e04 Page Not Found, Hurt No Comfort, M/M, Unhappy Ending, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-07
Updated: 2020-06-07
Packaged: 2021-03-03 20:00:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 638
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24581230
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hexiva/pseuds/Hexiva
Summary: AU where Elliot stays with Tyrell as he's dying, and does his best to comfort him.
Relationships: Elliot Alderson/Tyrell Wellick
Comments: 2
Kudos: 26





	I have been lost down every road I follow out in the dark

**Author's Note:**

> Title is from "Everybody Knows That You're Insane" by Queens of the Stone Age.

“Tyrell,” I say, breathing in ice cold air. “I can’t let you die.”

His eyes search my face, and I know he’s still looking for a sign, for some hint that I care about him. It hurts me, and I avert my eyes. He breathes out, and his eyes flutter shut. “It’s okay. It’s okay, Elliot.” He puts a shaking hand out to the side of the van, as if to support himself, and then slowly sinks to the ground, his arms wrapped around himself. His voice comes out weak and childish when he says, “I just - I don’t want to be alone.”

I think about that night in the prison, when I let myself dream about a future worth having. When I let myself imagine he and I could be friends, just like normal people. I can’t remember what it felt like to have that kind of optimism. 

But I can’t bring myself to refuse him. I take a deep breath, and sit down, awkwardly, on the ground next to him. Mr. Robot sits down on the other side of him. “I won’t leave you,” I promise.

He draws in a breath, almost a sob. “Thank you,” he says. He curls in on himself, his face pale and crumpled. After a moment, he says, “I know if - if I - if I were stronger, I’d tell you to go on ahead. If I were more like you.”

I close my eyes. “I’m not as strong as you think I am.” I wonder if he has any idea how little he knows about me, after all this time. If he knows this image he’s built up in his head, an illusory whole built up out of little fragments of Elliot and little fragments of Mr. Robot, isn’t me. 

Tyrell laughs, quiet and pained. “Sometimes I think even you don’t know yourself, Elliot . . .” He sinks back to lie on the cold ground, and I hate it, hate seeing him like this. 

“Yeah,” I say, quietly. “Me too.”

Mr. Robot reaches out for me and takes Tyrell’s blood-stained hand, and because it’s him and not me, I don’t feel the prickling discomfort of touch. Tyrell’s head jerks up to stare at me, wide-eyed, and I think it hurts him to see me as much as the reverse. 

“I love you,” Tyrell says, very very quietly, and then chuckles. “You never let me say that before.”

For a moment, I want to lie and say I love him too. He’s never been a good person, but now he doesn’t have anyone left but me. Doesn’t he deserve that much? To die believing that he’s loved? It would be so easy to give him what he wants right now. 

“It’s okay,” Tyrell says, before I can lie to him. “I know. I know. Just wanted to say it. It doesn’t matter now anyway.”

I can’t argue with that. I search for something to say, some little comfort that I can give him, here at the end. I never was any good with people. “You don’t have to be afraid anymore,” I say, and Mr. Robot squeezes his hand. 

“Don’t - ” Tyrell’s voice catches, and he’s crying now, his eyes wet and unfocused and staring blindly into the forest. I don’t think he can see me anymore. “Don’t leave me alone.”

Mr. Robot reaches out to take his other hand, and I say, “I won’t. I won’t. I promise. You - ” My voice catches too and fuck, why am I crying? I don’t even like him.  _ I don’t even like him.  _ “You never have to be alone again, Tyrell.”

He looks up at me, and his lips twitch, spasmodically, into something that might be a smile.

And then, just like that, he’s gone, and there’s no one but me and my shadow, alone in the snow.


End file.
